Tuesday, May 29, 2012

a little update.

''Do you have friends?'' This is the first question every doctors/psychologists asked me on our first meeting. i am proud to say that i have a bunch of good friends around me despite having social anxiety since young. i am thankful to all of them for being there for me up till today. Graduated last week.. looking back. i wouldnt be where i am without my friends and family.. and i mean it literally.. well anw.. this is not supposed to be a sentimental post.
been feeling really moody recently.. probably due to the weather.. and i got my enlistment letter already ! 31st Oct. i also got an offer from ntu. will be studying in ntu after army.. hopefully my passion for studying is still there after 2 years.. kinda look forward to it.. oh i mean army.. what saddens me is that everyone is like enlisting in june/july or august/sept.. and im left alone here. lol. hope i could get along with my bunk mates though..

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

nth to do here

this is the live performance of 'spit it out' which got me addicted to slipknot. lololol :)

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Today, someone was pissed off with me becos i chose not to share this anxiety problem of mine.. i am sorry.. but i dont really like talkin about it.. i tweet, blogged about it.. but dont ask me to talk about it..
Once bitten, twice shy.. its just me..

Sunday, April 1, 2012

how's life? fools of april :)

April foooool
hows life? so another phase of life has gone by.. now im offically a graduate of singapore polytechnic.. i would say this 3 years is second to the most memorable period of my life.. the top one would be secondary school days of course.. till now i still couldnt believe what i have went through.. afterall im so proud of myself that i survived till today, looking back at those days when i was so ''unstable''.. even i myself cant figure if i could live till the very next day.. i have made it.. here i am blogging about my achievement. so i guess.. with each and every phase of our lives.. we meet new people.. all with their each and very own personalities.. which will determine who they mean to us in our lives.. still gotta say this old line.. so much has happened throughout this few years.. hmm .. be it emotional, monetary matters.. i guess i have somehow experienced an extreme part of it.. i am really grateful to those who have been by my side, the ones who really cared about what i was going through.. also not forgetting the ones who have left me helpless.. everyone i have met.. i am really grateful to u.. without you guys.. i wont be who i am today.

so it has been a month plus since me and winnie broke up.. to be truthful.. i didnt feel much when she left.. cos i figured she will definitely be able to find someone better.. and i felt that i need to sort out my thoughts.. i have to stop... whatever.. i just need to stop being unfair to her thats it ..

so........ just a few more months to ns.. gna start work next week.. im gonna focus my '' no life '' life on work..

Space bound - eminem

We touch, I feel a rush, we clutch, it isn't much
But it's enough to make me wonder what's in store for us
It's lust, it's torturous, you must be a sorceress
'Cause you just did the impossible, gained my trust

Don't play games, it'd be dangerous if you fuck me over
'Cause if I get burnt, I'ma show ya what it's like to hurt
'Cause I've been treated like dirt befo' ya
And love is evil, spell it backwards, I'll show ya

Nobody knows me, I'm cold, walk down this road all alone
It's no one's fault but my own, it's the path I've chosen to go
Frozen as snow, I show no emotion whatsoever, so
Don't ask me why I have no love for these mo'fuckin' ho's

Blood suckin' succubuses, what the fuck is up with this?
I've tried in this department, but I ain't had no luck with this
It sucks, but it's exactly what I thought it would be
Like tryin' to start over

I've got a hole in my heart for some kind of emotional roller coaster
Somethin' I won't go on, so you toy with my emotions, ho, it's over
It's like an explosion every time I hold ya, I wasn't jokin' when I told ya
You take my breath away, you're a supernova and I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you, right at you
250,000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aimin' right at you, right at you, right at you

I'll do whatever it takes, when I'm with you I get the shakes
My body aches when I ain't, with you I have zero strength
There's no limit on how far I would go, no boundaries, no lengths
Why do we say that until we get that person that we thinks
Gonna be that one and then once we get 'em, it's never the same?

You want 'em when they don't want you
Soon as they do, feelings change
It's not a contest and I ain't on no conquest for no mate
I wasn't lookin' when I stumbled onto you, musta been fate

But so much is at stake, what the fuck does it take?
Let's cut to the chase
'Fore the door shuts in your face, promise me if I cave in and break
And leave myself open that I won't be makin' a mistake
'Cause I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you, right at you
250,000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm aimin' right at you, right at you, right at you

So after a year and 6 months, it's no longer me that you want
But I love you so much, it hurts, never mistreated you once
I'll pour my heart out to you, let down my guard, swear to God
I'll blow my brains in your lap, lay here and die in your arms

Drop to my knees and I'm pleadin', I'm tryin' to stop you from leavin'
You won't even listen so fuck it, I'm tryin' to stop you from breathin'
I put both hands on your throat, I sit on top of you, squeezin'
Til' I snap your neck like a Popsicle stick

Ain't a possible reason I can think of
To let you walk up out this house and let you live
Tears stream down both of my cheeks, then I let you go and just give
And before I put that gun to my temple, I told you this

And I would've did anything for you to show you how much I adored you
But it's over now, it's too late to save our love
Just promise me you'll think of me
Every time you look up in the sky and see a star 'cuz I'm a

I'm a space bound rocket ship and your heart's the moon
And I'm aimin' right at you, right at you
250,000 miles on a clear night in June
And I'm so lost without you, without you, without you

(From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/e/eminem-lyrics/space-bound-lyrics.html)

loving this song.. old song though. haha..

Saturday, February 11, 2012

secondary 1-3 failed almost all subjects
sec 4, wake up call after first relationship break up. studied hard for o lvls.
my wish back then.. to get a diploma and get a stable job in the future..
poly year 1 & 2, social anxiety disorder, depression..
my wish back then.. to be able to live normally.. to make friends.. hope to live life happily.. no expectations.
poly year 3, anxiety under medication control..
my wish now.. to be rich.. to get into uni..
i am never contented.. i don understand why..