how's life?

bad... cos of my bank going flat ! :(
i've finally got a rough view of what i really want in life, thanks to ben & my uncle.
everything is going ok.. just $$$ problem & some emotional stuffs. anxiety medicine dosage has been reduced.. gna ween off from the medicine soon.. not sure if i still can live normally after that .. for my current relationship.. i really hope things could go well forever.. been fighting recently:( both of us need to cool down i guess.. i wish i could give in more.. but i have been super moody recently also... quitted from st james bartending job a week ago.. i hve only worked for 2 days . LOL.. i think everyone dam dulan with me for being MIA after that 2 days. lol.. i had never stay more than 2 weeks for part time job.. but right now i really need a stable part time job.. let me tell you the exact amount i have in my bank - 71.98. LOL i dno how it ends with a 98 cents also..
i really get into 'emo' state easily.. and when that happens.. my bank gna minus 10 dollars again for cigarettes :( but i feel ok with it.. as long as theres sth i can do when i feel down. i actually feel disappointed in myself.. for being that same old guy after so long.. that guy with that weak mentality and cry easily despite his huge physical size..

fuck

i need to get those thoughts out of my mind before i go suicidal. help me.

wow it has been some times since the last time i blogged.. i swear the weather nowadays so motherfucking hot man. my life has gone through quite a big change throughout this past few months.. a change for the better? i guess.. got hooked up with the nightlife and i'm sort of enjoying it although my grades worsen a little lol.. my mental health has gotten better.. still on medication though.. still gets paranoid occasionally.. looking back.. been a fucking jerk for a period of time.. omfg i can't believe what i did too.. i have always voiced up for the innocence and defamates the fucking hypocrites but i guess i am one of the bad guys too lol. now i understand.. dont judge.. u have to be a bad guy to understand how a bad guy feels too . ok its ok readers you guys dont have to understand wtf i'm saying.. this space is just for me to make random rants about the happenings in my life.. just fucking dont act like a holy piece of shitty saint when u have never been through anything yet..

leaving the memories here.. heading off to tumblr . bye blogger

there again.. sitting in front of this computer , staring blankly at the screen and typing this .. bubble burst, awaken from the fantasy, illusion faded.. tears were dropped and heart was broken by a little. never thought that this could get so real. im sorry for everything .. i guess this is the consequences of being greedy and wanting something that does not belong to me. now u r freed.. without restrictions.. hope u find ur happiness soon.. leave me .. i shall heal my own wounds.. im strong no worries :) god gave me a strong mentality to walk this difficult path..
walking on .. seeking for light once again.

Noob

Hi, I'm a noob in blogspot. I need people to help me to update blog and put tagboard. Lol!♥

don't seek for perfection, seeking for perfection is like seeking for death